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Signs of an abusive relationship
It can often be difficult for a person to know when they are in an abusive relationship. They’ve seen their parent(s) in abusive relationships, or they themselves have been in so many that it seems like abusive behavior is normal. For others, they are inexperienced in relationships and think the abusive behavior (fueled by emotions) is just proof that the other person truly cares for them. For all of us, it can also be a challenge to tell the difference between what is a one time mistake and what is abusive. We all make mistakes, right?
Abusive relationships have certain patterns of behavior. The behavior can include physical and emotional abuse. Here are a few patterns that could be signs that you are being abused and need to get out:
• They don’t respect your privacy: checking your email, texts, call history, diary, etc.
• Talk you into doing things you don’t want to do: they never take no for an answer, but try to argue with you all the time to get what they want
• Shaming remarks or the use of guilt: name-calling, asking you to change your appearance, blackmail, humiliate you in front of other people, tear you down with words
• Punishment by silence: some call this the silent treatment. This is more than just being angry for a day or two, but a way your boyfriend/girlfriend tries to teach you a lesson by not talking
• Asking for proof of your feelings of love for them as if they cannot take you at your word
Many of us have called someone a name out of anger, checked a date’s phone once or twice, tried to talk the other into doing something. No one is perfect. However, if you are seeing these things happening consistently, if you are hearing, “I’m sorry” way too often due to these things, it’s time to get out. This is an unhealthy relationship.
The actions listed below are dangerous and even if these take place one time, you should get out of the relationship. These issues very rarely can be worked out and are signs of an unhealthy dating partner:
• Violence: they hit you in visible and less than visible places, they punch things when arguing such as walls, doors, lockers, they fight others out of jealousy directly because of you
• Threats: I will harm you if you do this again, or if you don’t do this. Many times, a dating partner gets jealous of any contact you have with the opposite sex and will threaten you or them. They may also threaten to harm themselves if you break up with them.
• Physical restraint: they won’t let you leave an argument, but grab you, lock you in a room or car, or even won’t let you leave their house.
• Unwanted sexual advances or touching: inappropriate flirting, touching you without permission (even your hair), talking about your body, and anything else you are not welcoming
• Sexual Assault: forcing you to do something sexually, even if it is not intercourse. They call you a tease and make you satisfy them sexually out of obligation or force
Breaking off an abusive relationship does not mean your feelings for the person are not genuine, so do not allow them to talk you out of a break up. If they are violent, don’t break it off one on one. A violent person is usually the only time I’d suggest breaking up over the phone, and even then, I’d have a trusted adult in the room for the conversation. Remember this: Abusers love power and control more than you. If you love someone, you deserve to have that love genuinely given back to you, rather than being in a relationship in which you are manipulated and controlled.
Posted by: JasonH on 12/9 at 10:54am 0 Comments
