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Dating Courtesies
Should we expect dating courtesies today? Is chivalry dead?
For those who don’t know what I mean, I am talking about opening the doors, pulling out seats, running errands, etc. Have we become so devoid of morality or principles that we disregard things that should be important to us in dating? Is it every person for themselves or do dating courtesies still exist?
A friend was talking with me the other day and told me about what happened on a recent date. Apparently, she had been talking with a guy over a period of time and they decided to meet at a restaurant for dinner. When the date was over the guy got upset with her because she didn’t walk him to his vehicle.
This incident should have given my friend insight on what to expect if she had chosen to date him, right? I could not believe what I was hearing. Was he serious? More and more men and women have never been taught why dating courtesies are so important. In some ways I think the roles have flipped. I know that the societal norm is to do what is accepted at the time, but let’s face it people, as far as I am concerned, things like calling when you say you are going to call, coming to the door to pick me up for a date, opening the car door for me, and walking me to my car after a date will never go out of style.
Posted by: Anovia on 7/9 at 3:09pm 1 Comments
Sexting
I have seen sexting come back and bite a few of my friends where the sun don’t shine. It starts off innocent with a picture of you smiling and then a picture of your outfit and the next thing you know he or she asks for a picture of something more and you think it is okay so you send the picture. You go to school or the rec center the next day and people are staring at you and looking at you funny. Then one of your friends whispers in your ear, ‘look at this picture that was sent to me.’ You look and it is the picture that you sent to that person that you thought was special and could keep a secret. Now everyone has seen you inappropriately in this photo and people are still forwarding the picture. How do you feel? Ashamed and embarrassed to say the least. In all actuality, you should have never put yourself in that position in the first place. That type of photo should have never been taken. Now you have to deal with the horrible consequences. Sexting is very dangerous and should not be taken lightly. If a person is under the age of 18 in the photo and their photo is being sent and received it is considered child pornography and you get into legal trouble. Beware of engaging in risky activities because it can get you in a world of trouble. If someone is sending you an inappropriate text message tell them to stop immediately and tell an adult. If someone asks you to send them inappropriate photos tell them you have too much respect for yourself then tell an adult. Parents understand the peer pressure that you experience more than you think. Just remember they were once your age.
Posted by: Its Nori Nori on 7/2 at 10:35pm 0 Comments
My Boyfriend/Girlfriend Cheated on Me, What Do I Do?
“If someone is going to make me miserable, then I’m going to make them miserable.” Isn’t that how we usually feel when someone hurts us? As humans our first reaction is to always get even.
Of course most of us know the difference between right and wrong and that the right answer when someone hurts you is not to hurt them back. I know what you’re probably thinking…. “But, it’s just not that simple.” If we took a poll and were extremely honest with our responses, we would probably all agree that we want our voices heard. Knowing that someone is listening to us gives us a sense of security and the feeling that someone actually cares for us.
This is also true when someone close to us, like our boyfriend or girlfriend hurts us. So back to the title of this blog; what do we do when someone cheats on us?
First, remember to stay calm. This doesn’t mean doing nothing. It just means not flying off the handle and doing something stupid that you will live to regret.
Second, make sure you have all the facts. I know people who have jumped to conclusions about a situation based on what someone said only to find out the information wasn’t accurate.
Third, if you truly believe you have been wronged, ask for a face to face conversation where you can share the information you have and find out if it is accurate. This will allow you to see facial expressions, hear the tone of voice your friend uses and watch their body language. This way you don’t have to guess or make assumptions.
If it becomes clear that the person did do something to break trust in your relationship then you have a decision to make.
Part of learning what it means to be in a healthy relationship is dealing with stuff like this.
So, what do you think? How would you deal with someone who cheated on you?
Posted by: russell on 6/22 at 4:50pm 4 Comments
Is PDA okay?
Public display of affection is defined by people in so many ways. I think holding hands or seeing someone with their hands around another person’s waist is fine. There are people who take it to the extreme.
Would I want to see people making out? No. I have a child and there are things I don’t want his innocent eyes to see at his age. As for me, I should not have to see any couple getting down like that. I think it is a respect issue. How much do you respect yourself and the person you are with? If there is some degree of respect then PDA will be limited to holding hands and maybe even a peck, but not a lot of tongue action or lip locking and fondling right?
What do you think?
Topic: Dating •Topic: Sex •Topic: Love
Posted by: Anovia on 6/12 at 3:13pm 9 Comments
A Low Risk Dating Strategy
Have you thought about your dating strategy? What’s acceptable and what’s not?
Here are some things for you to consider:
Seek a good match – Look for common interests. Pay attention to how the person acts. Do you find them interesting?
Pay attention to values – People give off clues all the time as to what their values are. A relationship is doomed if the other person shuns your values.
Don’t try to change the other person – Believing you are capable of performing an extreme makeover on another person never works. Sometimes people are so desperate to be in love they try to make you into something you are not.
Don’t change yourself – Don’t be somebody you are not just to get somebody’s love and attention. If you find yourself trying to alter who you are to get someone’s love, that is a problem.
Don’t run from conflict – Expect good communication.
Don’t play games, manipulate, pressure, be phony or use power plays to get what you want.
Ask yourself these questions – Does this relationship feel controlling or nurturing and supportive? If physical touch wasn’t part of the relationship would there be a relationship?
Have a bottom line – You need to have a bottom line for how you expect to be treated. Never tolerate abuse. Expect respect. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
Posted by: Julie on 6/12 at 12:05pm 0 Comments
Teen Dating Bill of Rights
I have the right:
- To always be treated with respect - In a respectful relationship, you should be treated as an equal.
- To be in a healthy relationship - A healthy relationship is not controlling, manipulative, or jealous. A healthy relationship involves honesty, trust, and communication.
- To not be hurt physically or emotionally - You should feel safe in your relationship at all times.
- Abuse is never deserved and is never your fault - Conflicts should be resolved in a peaceful and rational way.
- To refuse sex or affection at anytime - A healthy relationship involves making consensual sexual decisions.
- You have the right to not have sex - Even if you have had sex before, you have the right to refuse sex for any reason.
- To have friends and activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriend - Spending time by yourself, with male or female friends, or with family is normal and healthy.
- To end a relationship - You should not be harassed, threatened, or made to feel guilty for ending an unhealthy or healthy relationship. You have the right to end a relationship for any reason you choose.
I pledge to:
- Always treat my boyfriend or girlfriend with respect.
- Never hurt my boyfriend or girlfriend physically, verbally, or emotionally.
- Respect my girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s decisions concerning sex and affection.
- Not be controlling or manipulative in my relationship.
- Accept responsibility for myself and my actions.
Source: LoveisRespect.org
Topic: Dating
Posted by: Julie on 6/12 at 10:34am 0 Comments
Creative Dates
1. Go for a hike, it’s good exercise.
2. Watch a funny movie together.
3. Volunteer together.
4. Take a picnic to the park.
5. Go for a walk or jog.
6. Cook a meal together for one of your families.
7. Participate in a sport together.
8. Go people watching.
9. Go for a drive and explore new places.
10. Run errands for your parents.
11. Take your kid brother or sister out for ice cream.
12. Take pictures; then make a scrapbook together.
13. Plant a garden; take care of it together; enjoy the harvest.
14. Look at old family picture albums.
15. Take your dog for a walk.
16. Get all dressed up and have a candlelight dinner in your family room.
17. Go to a historic site.
18. Philosophize under the stars. Share your hopes and dreams.
19. Wash your parents’ cars.
20. Play board games or cards.
21. Take a cooking, dance or some other type of class together.
22. Read a book together.
23. Bury a treasure (like a big Hershey’s kiss) and make the other person treasure hunt to find it.
24. Throw the other person a surprise party for a special occasion.
25. Take in a comedy show.
Topic: Dating
Posted by: Julie on 6/12 at 10:31am 0 Comments
Can I fix him?
We’ve all heard about someone we know being in a relationship where the guy is into drugs or things we know are wrong and the girl that’s dating him thinks she can change or fix him. Sometimes if the girl starts being a (bleep) the guy may change his behavior. But changing behavior doesn’t mean someone has really changed. Being that girl who tries to fix her rebellious boyfriend is like trying to put a band-aid on a cut that needs stitches. Or consider Old Faithful, the geyser that shoots water over thirty feet in the air at Yellowstone National Park. The amazing thing about Old Faithful is not the water that shoots into the air but it’s all the water underneath the ground that causes the water to explode. So even if someone could somehow block the water from shooting out of the ground, eventually the power of the underground water will cause another explosion. It’s just a matter of time. This is also true of the girl who tries to fix her boyfriend. He may change some of his behavior, but that doesn’t mean he’s truly changed. His bad behavior will happen again just like Old Faithful. He needs to change on his own without someone else trying to fix him. (Keep in mind it could be the girl with the problem and her guy is trying to fix her.)
Topic: Dating
Posted by: russell on 6/9 at 2:53pm 3 Comments
Am I good dating material?
Most of us would agree that thinking of others first is the right decision compared to putting ourselves first. This may be true when we’re talking about manners: like holding the door for someone, letting someone go in front of us when we’re in line, paying for someone else’s dinner, or offering to help our parents with chores. But with relationships, we must love ourselves first before we can love others. No, I’m not saying to think of yourself as more important, but what I am saying is that if you want a healthy relationship with anyone you must be able to care for yourself before you care for someone else. Let me give you an example. Every time I fly somewhere I freak out. I start sweating and when the plane shakes I grab the arm rests. But even before the plane takes off I’m still pretty nervous. It doesn’t really help me when the flight attendant is speaking because all they do is list everything we can use on the plane in case it crashes. But one thing I always remember the flight attendant say about the oxygen mask is, “Please put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you assist others.” At first, it’s easy to think that you would want to help someone in your family or someone you really care about. But if we really thought about the reason we put the mask on ourselves first we would understand why we must love ourselves before we love others. Our relationships will fail if we do not take care of ourselves. If we try to help others while ignoring our own problems our relationship will quickly die.
Topic: Dating
Posted by: russell on 6/9 at 2:53pm 0 Comments
What is love?
In eighth grade I remember the guys always talking about the girls. “Man, she’s hot.” Or “You think I should ask her out?” Then once we had the guts to ask we would soon find out whether we were going out or being shot down. If we were lucky we’d start going out. The sudden rush of emotions would kick in. Butterflies in our stomach, excited about going out with our “dream girl,” and anxious about not messing it up so we won’t get dumped. If the relationship lasts long enough we move into high school, but the feelings change. Instead of the nervousness and butterflies in our stomach, we start becoming more bold and sometimes make stupid decisions. As most of us know, these decisions are usually about becoming physical. One thing leads to another and before we know it the relationship becomes too serious. This is the difference between love and infatuation. When we’re infatuated with someone we make decisions based on our feelings. If we love someone we will consider someone else’s feelings and we’ll be willing to get to know someone before we move so quickly. Infatuation lasts a moment, but love takes time. So next time you find yourself interested in dating someone, take the time to consider more than just your immediate feelings.
Topic: Love
Posted by: russell on 6/9 at 2:51pm 0 Comments
