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How do you start over after a break up?
Take your time and make a list of pros and cons about your most recent relationships. What do you think you did right and what do you think you could do differently?
We all make mistakes in life and in love and if we are honest with ourselves we know that we are not perfect. Maybe we shared too much too soon or we didn’t open ourselves up enough because of past hurts or whatever your issues may be. The bottom line is that you should take the time to work on you and what got you to this point. Are you too emotional, are you still carrying the baggage from a previous relationship or is that all you know? We are products of how we are raised and maybe how we respond or how we act is all we know.
Listen, it is okay to be where you are. Take your time and you will find that by working on yourself and the issues you may have with failed relationships can and will teach you things about the people you choose as well as yourself. Don’t settle. Now! Wait for Mr./Ms. Right. In the meantime, you will gain confidence, improve your self esteem and more positive people will gravitate towards you because you will be more positive about who you are and where you are going in life.
Topic: Dating
Posted by: Anovia on 8/5 at 4:38pm 0 Comments
Can you start over after going too far?
A student asked me recently how you back up and start over if you’ve already gone too far? This is a great question. I have seen it dodged by people who will say, “Don’t start to begin with.” This has some truth to it. Engaging in sexual activity outside of a committed marriage relationship can create a lot of the emotional damage. But this type of a response seems to say it is too late and the damage has been done, leading someone to just continue sexual activity because it is “too late anyway.” This couldn’t be further from the truth.
Starting over after going too far can be done. It will not remove what has been done, but you will surely avoid further damage and scars that could last a lifetime. Here are some insights as to how to start over:
• Forgiveness: You have to forgive yourself. Clearly abstinence before marriage is a valuable standard for you and you’ve missed the mark. Feelings of guilt and regret will bombard you if you cannot forgive and accept who you are. Keep in mind feelings are just that: feelings. They are not always in line with true reality. Don’t let the past define the real you
• Friendship: I’ve read some studies that suggest people go too far too fast because they lack deep relationships in their life. Starting over is going to require that you build true, trusted friendships so that you don’t move too fast again for the sake of being close to someone. Talk with a trusted friend about your past and hopes for the future. I’d also suggest talking to a trustworthy adult who can listen and offer good advice and encouragement as you start over
• Fight the Feeling: Once you’ve crossed that line, it becomes even easier to cross it again. When you begin talking to someone/dating again, be up front about your value of abstinence and get your friend(s) involved helping you stay true to your commitment. Have a plan in place to avoid situations where your desire to cross the line may be stronger than the desire to maintain your new start.
• Face the Facts: Many people consider themselves abstinent as “technical virgins,” meaning they’ve done everything except actual intercourse. While this may push your pregnancy risk down, it is still sexual activity and you can still get pregnant. Keep these things in mind: 1) any genital contact can still expose you to an STD, especially while engaging in oral sex ( fyi 1 in 4 sexually active girls has an STD) 2) bonding chemicals released in the body during sexual activity (one of which is oxytocin) are just as evident with or without intercourse.
Posted by: JasonH on 8/5 at 1:38pm 0 Comments
Is conflict ever good for your dating relationship?
Yes, but you must understand that there is a difference in conflict and a drag out fight with physical altercations involved. Relationships allow us the opportunity to learn about ourselves and the other person. We are growing daily and as we grow and mature we learn what we like for ourselves and what we don’t like. This also gives us the chance to explore how to deal with these challenges in our relationships as they present themselves. For example, lets say a boyfriend gets mad at his girlfriend because she did not return his calls. He called her three times and she never misses his calls. He has been through this before and he does not like being ignored. She finally calls him back and she is excited, she has not talked to him all day and is ready to hear his voice. She could not get to her phoneearlier because she was interviewing for a summer job at the mall. The interview was called at the last minute so she did not have time to call him and tell him she was excited that she might get the job she wants for the summer. When he talks to her he is short and the only question he wants to know is why was she ignoring him? In actuality she was not ignoring him, she put her phone on silent while she was in the interview so that she could give the interviewer her attention and have a good interview without any interruptions. This is a conflict for them because emotionally he feesl like she has let him down. She always answers his calls and because of his last girlfriend and her behavior he has trust issues. They can both learn from this experience if they are willing to talk things out. Try to avoid making assumptions. If this conflict would have never occurred he would not have known he had trust issues and needs to work on that to better himself. She would have been better prepared to talk to him about where she was and why she did not answer when he called. Some conflicts can help a relationship because its helps us to understand the type of person we are dating. As long as violence is not a part of relationship, conflict can be used as a learning experience. Healthy relationships will still have conflict, it is how you deal with the conflict that is the key.
Posted by: Its Nori Nori on 8/5 at 12:58pm 0 Comments
