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Long Distance Relationships
There is a thin line when dating someone that is not in the same area as you. There has to be a great amount of trust on both ends and you have to be willing to put for the efforts to have a successful relationship. I will be the first to tell you that yes a long distance relationship can work and it can be great. It can also be heart-breaking if you are committed to someone who is out with other people while you are waiting by the phone. With technology like video chats, instant messenger and many other channels of communication, dating someone from another location is made easier. Knowing what is expected of both people in the relationship can help as well as setting ground rules. I don’t want you to think that it is too much work because that may take the fun of it away from you. I do encourage you to treat the person how you want to be treated and carry yourself accordingly no matter if that person is visiting in town or not and you will be just fine. I will ask that you date someone that is not too far away; being able to hang out with the person you are dating occasionally is important and a lot more fun. For example, going on a date to the movies and being able to talk about what you saw right then is better than having a talk about it later at home or on your cell phone ALL the time. Enjoy your lives and have fun! You are young and have your whole life ahead of you, happy dating!
Posted by: Its Nori Nori on 12/22 at 2:58am 0 Comments
Why doesn’t the other person want to be as serious as you?
There are few things more frustrating than when one person wants to take the relationship to a serious level and the other doesn’t. It can be confusing and painful to try to work it out and answer the question “why?” Why won’t that other person get serious with you? I can’t tell you exactly why in every case. However, here are a few things to think about.
First, you’ve got to look at your expectations in dating. It could be that the less than serious person doesn’t see themselves getting serious until later on in life. They may have goals and plans for college and do not want to put them at risk. They may see dating as a time to be having fun and do not think being serious is all that fun. They are not ready for a serious relationship. If that is the case, you may be wasting your time if you expect to be serious with the person.
Second, they may be losing interest because you have moved faster than they. It may sound like playing games, but it is just a natural happening in relationships. If they think they “have” you, the attraction goes down because the “thrill of the chase” is gone. Also, the other person may feel awkward about your strong feelings. If you want to continue to give the relationship a shot, you may want to back off some. If they see they don’t “have” you like they thought, the attraction could grow stronger again.
Third, you may be unrealistic with your feelings. I know this is a borderline offensive thing to say. I agree that everyone has a right to feel how they feel, but it doesn’t mean it is realistic. When you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you don’t know why you feel angry and grumpy, you just do. So ask yourself the question: “Why do I want to be serious?” If it doesn’t go beyond the fact that they are nice and look good, then you may be unrealistic. A serious relationship requires more than good manners and looks. It requires trust, integrity, common goals and values, commitment, and excitement and time. If you are being unrealistic, the other person probably sees it and it’s a big turn-off for them. I suggest keeping your feelings to yourself until you begin seeing the other person feeling the same way.
Posted by: JasonH on 12/9 at 12:38pm 0 Comments
Signs of an abusive relationship
It can often be difficult for a person to know when they are in an abusive relationship. They’ve seen their parent(s) in abusive relationships, or they themselves have been in so many that it seems like abusive behavior is normal. For others, they are inexperienced in relationships and think the abusive behavior (fueled by emotions) is just proof that the other person truly cares for them. For all of us, it can also be a challenge to tell the difference between what is a one time mistake and what is abusive. We all make mistakes, right?
Abusive relationships have certain patterns of behavior. The behavior can include physical and emotional abuse. Here are a few patterns that could be signs that you are being abused and need to get out:
• They don’t respect your privacy: checking your email, texts, call history, diary, etc.
• Talk you into doing things you don’t want to do: they never take no for an answer, but try to argue with you all the time to get what they want
• Shaming remarks or the use of guilt: name-calling, asking you to change your appearance, blackmail, humiliate you in front of other people, tear you down with words
• Punishment by silence: some call this the silent treatment. This is more than just being angry for a day or two, but a way your boyfriend/girlfriend tries to teach you a lesson by not talking
• Asking for proof of your feelings of love for them as if they cannot take you at your word
Many of us have called someone a name out of anger, checked a date’s phone once or twice, tried to talk the other into doing something. No one is perfect. However, if you are seeing these things happening consistently, if you are hearing, “I’m sorry” way too often due to these things, it’s time to get out. This is an unhealthy relationship.
The actions listed below are dangerous and even if these take place one time, you should get out of the relationship. These issues very rarely can be worked out and are signs of an unhealthy dating partner:
• Violence: they hit you in visible and less than visible places, they punch things when arguing such as walls, doors, lockers, they fight others out of jealousy directly because of you
• Threats: I will harm you if you do this again, or if you don’t do this. Many times, a dating partner gets jealous of any contact you have with the opposite sex and will threaten you or them. They may also threaten to harm themselves if you break up with them.
• Physical restraint: they won’t let you leave an argument, but grab you, lock you in a room or car, or even won’t let you leave their house.
• Unwanted sexual advances or touching: inappropriate flirting, touching you without permission (even your hair), talking about your body, and anything else you are not welcoming
• Sexual Assault: forcing you to do something sexually, even if it is not intercourse. They call you a tease and make you satisfy them sexually out of obligation or force
Breaking off an abusive relationship does not mean your feelings for the person are not genuine, so do not allow them to talk you out of a break up. If they are violent, don’t break it off one on one. A violent person is usually the only time I’d suggest breaking up over the phone, and even then, I’d have a trusted adult in the room for the conversation. Remember this: Abusers love power and control more than you. If you love someone, you deserve to have that love genuinely given back to you, rather than being in a relationship in which you are manipulated and controlled.
Posted by: JasonH on 12/9 at 10:54am 0 Comments
