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My Boyfriend/Girlfriend Cheated on Me, What Do I Do?
“If someone is going to make me miserable, then I’m going to make them miserable.” Isn’t that how we usually feel when someone hurts us? As humans our first reaction is to always get even.
Of course most of us know the difference between right and wrong and that the right answer when someone hurts you is not to hurt them back. I know what you’re probably thinking…. “But, it’s just not that simple.” If we took a poll and were extremely honest with our responses, we would probably all agree that we want our voices heard. Knowing that someone is listening to us gives us a sense of security and the feeling that someone actually cares for us.
This is also true when someone close to us, like our boyfriend or girlfriend hurts us. So back to the title of this blog; what do we do when someone cheats on us?
First, remember to stay calm. This doesn’t mean doing nothing. It just means not flying off the handle and doing something stupid that you will live to regret.
Second, make sure you have all the facts. I know people who have jumped to conclusions about a situation based on what someone said only to find out the information wasn’t accurate.
Third, if you truly believe you have been wronged, ask for a face to face conversation where you can share the information you have and find out if it is accurate. This will allow you to see facial expressions, hear the tone of voice your friend uses and watch their body language. This way you don’t have to guess or make assumptions.
If it becomes clear that the person did do something to break trust in your relationship then you have a decision to make.
Part of learning what it means to be in a healthy relationship is dealing with stuff like this.
So, what do you think? How would you deal with someone who cheated on you?
Posted by: russell on 6/22 at 3:50pm 4 Comments
Is PDA okay?
Public display of affection is defined by people in so many ways. I think holding hands or seeing someone with their hands around another person’s waist is fine. There are people who take it to the extreme.
Would I want to see people making out? No. I have a child and there are things I don’t want his innocent eyes to see at his age. As for me, I should not have to see any couple getting down like that. I think it is a respect issue. How much do you respect yourself and the person you are with? If there is some degree of respect then PDA will be limited to holding hands and maybe even a peck, but not a lot of tongue action or lip locking and fondling right?
What do you think?
Topic: Dating •Topic: Sex •Topic: Love
Posted by: Anovia on 6/12 at 2:13pm 9 Comments
A Low Risk Dating Strategy
Have you thought about your dating strategy? What’s acceptable and what’s not?
Here are some things for you to consider:
Seek a good match – Look for common interests. Pay attention to how the person acts. Do you find them interesting?
Pay attention to values – People give off clues all the time as to what their values are. A relationship is doomed if the other person shuns your values.
Don’t try to change the other person – Believing you are capable of performing an extreme makeover on another person never works. Sometimes people are so desperate to be in love they try to make you into something you are not.
Don’t change yourself – Don’t be somebody you are not just to get somebody’s love and attention. If you find yourself trying to alter who you are to get someone’s love, that is a problem.
Don’t run from conflict – Expect good communication.
Don’t play games, manipulate, pressure, be phony or use power plays to get what you want.
Ask yourself these questions – Does this relationship feel controlling or nurturing and supportive? If physical touch wasn’t part of the relationship would there be a relationship?
Have a bottom line – You need to have a bottom line for how you expect to be treated. Never tolerate abuse. Expect respect. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
Posted by: Julie on 6/12 at 11:05am 0 Comments
Teen Dating Bill of Rights
I have the right:
- To always be treated with respect - In a respectful relationship, you should be treated as an equal.
- To be in a healthy relationship - A healthy relationship is not controlling, manipulative, or jealous. A healthy relationship involves honesty, trust, and communication.
- To not be hurt physically or emotionally - You should feel safe in your relationship at all times.
- Abuse is never deserved and is never your fault - Conflicts should be resolved in a peaceful and rational way.
- To refuse sex or affection at anytime - A healthy relationship involves making consensual sexual decisions.
- You have the right to not have sex - Even if you have had sex before, you have the right to refuse sex for any reason.
- To have friends and activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriend - Spending time by yourself, with male or female friends, or with family is normal and healthy.
- To end a relationship - You should not be harassed, threatened, or made to feel guilty for ending an unhealthy or healthy relationship. You have the right to end a relationship for any reason you choose.
I pledge to:
- Always treat my boyfriend or girlfriend with respect.
- Never hurt my boyfriend or girlfriend physically, verbally, or emotionally.
- Respect my girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s decisions concerning sex and affection.
- Not be controlling or manipulative in my relationship.
- Accept responsibility for myself and my actions.
Source: LoveisRespect.org
Topic: Dating
Posted by: Julie on 6/12 at 9:34am 0 Comments
Creative Dates
1. Go for a hike, it’s good exercise.
2. Watch a funny movie together.
3. Volunteer together.
4. Take a picnic to the park.
5. Go for a walk or jog.
6. Cook a meal together for one of your families.
7. Participate in a sport together.
8. Go people watching.
9. Go for a drive and explore new places.
10. Run errands for your parents.
11. Take your kid brother or sister out for ice cream.
12. Take pictures; then make a scrapbook together.
13. Plant a garden; take care of it together; enjoy the harvest.
14. Look at old family picture albums.
15. Take your dog for a walk.
16. Get all dressed up and have a candlelight dinner in your family room.
17. Go to a historic site.
18. Philosophize under the stars. Share your hopes and dreams.
19. Wash your parents’ cars.
20. Play board games or cards.
21. Take a cooking, dance or some other type of class together.
22. Read a book together.
23. Bury a treasure (like a big Hershey’s kiss) and make the other person treasure hunt to find it.
24. Throw the other person a surprise party for a special occasion.
25. Take in a comedy show.
Topic: Dating
Posted by: Julie on 6/12 at 9:31am 0 Comments
Can I fix him?
We’ve all heard about someone we know being in a relationship where the guy is into drugs or things we know are wrong and the girl that’s dating him thinks she can change or fix him. Sometimes if the girl starts being a (bleep) the guy may change his behavior. But changing behavior doesn’t mean someone has really changed. Being that girl who tries to fix her rebellious boyfriend is like trying to put a band-aid on a cut that needs stitches. Or consider Old Faithful, the geyser that shoots water over thirty feet in the air at Yellowstone National Park. The amazing thing about Old Faithful is not the water that shoots into the air but it’s all the water underneath the ground that causes the water to explode. So even if someone could somehow block the water from shooting out of the ground, eventually the power of the underground water will cause another explosion. It’s just a matter of time. This is also true of the girl who tries to fix her boyfriend. He may change some of his behavior, but that doesn’t mean he’s truly changed. His bad behavior will happen again just like Old Faithful. He needs to change on his own without someone else trying to fix him. (Keep in mind it could be the girl with the problem and her guy is trying to fix her.)
Topic: Dating
Posted by: russell on 6/9 at 1:53pm 3 Comments
Am I good dating material?
Most of us would agree that thinking of others first is the right decision compared to putting ourselves first. This may be true when we’re talking about manners: like holding the door for someone, letting someone go in front of us when we’re in line, paying for someone else’s dinner, or offering to help our parents with chores. But with relationships, we must love ourselves first before we can love others. No, I’m not saying to think of yourself as more important, but what I am saying is that if you want a healthy relationship with anyone you must be able to care for yourself before you care for someone else. Let me give you an example. Every time I fly somewhere I freak out. I start sweating and when the plane shakes I grab the arm rests. But even before the plane takes off I’m still pretty nervous. It doesn’t really help me when the flight attendant is speaking because all they do is list everything we can use on the plane in case it crashes. But one thing I always remember the flight attendant say about the oxygen mask is, “Please put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you assist others.” At first, it’s easy to think that you would want to help someone in your family or someone you really care about. But if we really thought about the reason we put the mask on ourselves first we would understand why we must love ourselves before we love others. Our relationships will fail if we do not take care of ourselves. If we try to help others while ignoring our own problems our relationship will quickly die.
Topic: Dating
Posted by: russell on 6/9 at 1:53pm 0 Comments
What is love?
In eighth grade I remember the guys always talking about the girls. “Man, she’s hot.” Or “You think I should ask her out?” Then once we had the guts to ask we would soon find out whether we were going out or being shot down. If we were lucky we’d start going out. The sudden rush of emotions would kick in. Butterflies in our stomach, excited about going out with our “dream girl,” and anxious about not messing it up so we won’t get dumped. If the relationship lasts long enough we move into high school, but the feelings change. Instead of the nervousness and butterflies in our stomach, we start becoming more bold and sometimes make stupid decisions. As most of us know, these decisions are usually about becoming physical. One thing leads to another and before we know it the relationship becomes too serious. This is the difference between love and infatuation. When we’re infatuated with someone we make decisions based on our feelings. If we love someone we will consider someone else’s feelings and we’ll be willing to get to know someone before we move so quickly. Infatuation lasts a moment, but love takes time. So next time you find yourself interested in dating someone, take the time to consider more than just your immediate feelings.
Topic: Love
Posted by: russell on 6/9 at 1:51pm 0 Comments
When it’s over
There is a right and a wrong way to end a relationship. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that it is ever easy. Sometimes people can be good people, but just not good for each other. When a relationship becomes a chore or a burden then it is time to let go. Sometimes people just grow apart and they realize they are headed on different paths and are better off as friends than in a relationship. I have been dumped on Myspace before and trust me that is an example of what not to do and how to end a relationship on bad terms. If you feel like it’s not working out, the best thing to do is be honest with yourself and be honest with the person you are dating. You are young and still finding out a lot about yourself. Treating people the way you want to be treated is the best way to go. You never know when you might cross paths with someone in the future so the best thing to do is to not burn bridges. There will be times when you want to break-up with someone and they do not want to break up. In cases like this you need to talk to that person to communicate your point of view and then listen to their point of view as well. You may have to agree to disagree about why it is ending, but at least each person will leave with a clear understanding of how the other person felt at the conclusion of the relationship. Ending a relationship is not the end of the world. It may feel like it, but knowing this is half the battle. The other half of the battle is talking to your friends and family about your many emotions and moving on. You have your whole life ahead of you. It may be over with that guy or girl but it is just the beginning of another chapter in your life.
Topic: Dating
Posted by: Its Nori Nori on 6/9 at 12:00pm 0 Comments
Who is Paying?
I remember it like it was yesterday, I was 18 years old and I had been having a crush on this guy since I was like 15 and he asked me if I was hungry. Excited that he was paying me any attention I said, “yes” and he said ‘Well, me and some of my family are headed to eat. You are welcome to come if you would like.’ We get to the restaurant. I see him give the lady the money and proceed in so I start to walk behind him. The lady stops me and says that he only paid for himself. I am puzzled and not wanting to be further embarrassed I pay for my food and walk to the table. At this point I can’t really enjoy my food anymore cause I want to ask him why he did not pay for my food, but not in front of everyone. We get back to his car and I finally get up the nerve to ask him about it and he says. “Oh I did not know you took it that way.” I say, “Well, you asked me to come.” He laughs and says, ‘I asked if you were hungry and that me and my family were headed to eat that I could join them.’ I sat in silence for a while and really thought about what he said. Good thing I had some money because I would have been totally embarrassed.
The one thing that I should never have done was assume that he was going to pay for my meal. Since I was not 100% sure, I should have asked him before saying I wanted to go and not understanding what the arrangement was. It was not like he was asking me out on a date or anything. I was young and had a lot of misconceptions about who is supposed to pay and when.
I think that whoever asks the person out on the date should at least be prepared to pay. Depending on the situation the guy will most likely take the bill, but young ladies it never hurts to offer to pay. Ask questions and be clear before leaving for the date if he is paying. This clears up any confusion. No one likes to feel like they have to do anything. It should be because they want to and both people want to enjoy the others’ company. When setting up a date, both teens need to have money. This is a safety precaution for emergencies and maybe if the guy pays for dinner the girl can pay for the movies. There is nothing wrong with switching it up a bit. There is nothing wrong with talking about who is going to pay and sharing the responsibility.
Topic: Dating
Posted by: Its Nori Nori on 6/9 at 11:35am 1 Comments
