What advice would you give teens wanting to date?
Dating should be fun and safe. My advice to teens today wanting to date:
1. To take you time and do not rush into anything
2. Have fun and laugh a lot while dating
3. Know that only 7% of teens who date as teens stay together
4. Always think before you speak and think before you act on impulse
5. Treat people with respect
6. Love yourself first
7. Make good/healthy choices
Posted by: Anovia on 3/31 at 9:13pm 0 Comments
How far should you go in dating?
Be very careful to take things extra slow in a dating relationship. People who go too fast often end up alone, hurt, very confused and with a lot of baggage to take into his or her next relationship. I realize that teens are curious and you may think everyone is doing it but they aren’t. Play it safe and take your time. You will find that you will make better choices and you will be better for it.
Posted by: Anovia on 10/14 at 4:39pm 0 Comments
Should I Think Of Marriage Before I’m Even In College?
We’ve always heard the stories of little girls who dream about their wedding day since age five. Is this weird? No. We are all born with a desire for relationship and one of the strongest relationships is marriage. But should we even think about marriage when we’re just having fun in high school? I’m not saying marriage should always be on our minds, but we do need to consider the importance of relationships. We have to take relationships seriously because we are shaped by our experiences. In other words, habits we have in relationships now will carry over into our relationships in the future. As you read this, I bet your saying, “yeah, but people change.” It is rare that a person’s personality changes, but their habits may change. BUT NOT OVERNIGHT! For example, if a person has issues with addiction in high school they will probably always have issues with addiction, BUT how they handle dealing with addiction may change over time. Make no mistake, what a person does in high school will impact their future relationships. If you want to have a healthy marriage in the future you will be wise to be careful what you do with relationships in high school. Believe it or not, you really are preparing for marriage now even though it may not be on your radar at the moment.
Posted by: Deborah on 5/26 at 8:04pm 0 Comments
Red flags in a relationship
Any time a relationship is going south, there are red flags to warn you that things are not going well. But for whatever reason, they are difficult to recognize. Here are some common warning signs that the relationship is not working:
• Arguing on a regular basis: When conversation turns to bickering, the relationship no longer builds communication, trust, and intimacy, but instead builds tension, anger, and frustration. Instead of trying to solve problems and compromise, your conflicts become battles to win
• Burying your feelings: Although difficult, it is important to talk about how you feel. If you remain silent and don’t speak up for yourself when you are angry/disrespected, the repressed feelings will eventually explode and you may say/do something you will regret and/or not remember. If you can’t be honest, things are becoming unhealthy
• Frequent jealousy: When you are consistently feeling jealous, either your partner is acting less than trustworthy around other guys/girls, or you are being overly anxious. If you have a partner who is jealous for no reason, it could be a power/control issue. No matter what may be the true source of the issue, consistent jealousy = an absence of trust
• Constant criticism: If your partner is repeatedly telling you to change your appearance, language, act a certain way around certain people, or using sarcasm to highlight weaknesses and/or their dislikes about you, it’s a bad sign. Typically this highlights suppressed anger or insecurity in the relationship. If you truly care to see change in a partner and want to be with them, a good rule of thumb is to present 9 positive comments for every 1 negative comment you make. Otherwise, it will be hard for the relationship to succeed
• Comparison to other partners: If they consistently compare you to an ex, then this is a sign that the passion they have has more to do with anger toward the ex than their liking of you. They have not moved on and are not giving you their full attention.
Although all of these things can and will happen in any relationship, if they are continually happening over and over, consider them as warning signs. Do you have any that could be added to the list?
Posted by: JasonH on 1/8 at 6:05pm 0 Comments
Why doesn’t the other person want to be as serious as you?
There are few things more frustrating than when one person wants to take the relationship to a serious level and the other doesn’t. It can be confusing and painful to try to work it out and answer the question “why?” Why won’t that other person get serious with you? I can’t tell you exactly why in every case. However, here are a few things to think about.
First, you’ve got to look at your expectations in dating. It could be that the less than serious person doesn’t see themselves getting serious until later on in life. They may have goals and plans for college and do not want to put them at risk. They may see dating as a time to be having fun and do not think being serious is all that fun. They are not ready for a serious relationship. If that is the case, you may be wasting your time if you expect to be serious with the person.
Second, they may be losing interest because you have moved faster than they. It may sound like playing games, but it is just a natural happening in relationships. If they think they “have” you, the attraction goes down because the “thrill of the chase” is gone. Also, the other person may feel awkward about your strong feelings. If you want to continue to give the relationship a shot, you may want to back off some. If they see they don’t “have” you like they thought, the attraction could grow stronger again.
Third, you may be unrealistic with your feelings. I know this is a borderline offensive thing to say. I agree that everyone has a right to feel how they feel, but it doesn’t mean it is realistic. When you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you don’t know why you feel angry and grumpy, you just do. So ask yourself the question: “Why do I want to be serious?” If it doesn’t go beyond the fact that they are nice and look good, then you may be unrealistic. A serious relationship requires more than good manners and looks. It requires trust, integrity, common goals and values, commitment, and excitement and time. If you are being unrealistic, the other person probably sees it and it’s a big turn-off for them. I suggest keeping your feelings to yourself until you begin seeing the other person feeling the same way.
Posted by: JasonH on 12/9 at 12:38pm 0 Comments
Should a SENIOR date a FRESHMAN
I have had a lot of teens ask this question throughout different classes that I have taught and I must say this always turns into a big discussion. There are the students that do not see anything wrong with it and there are the students that see everything wrong with it. What I can do is share my experience or story and hopefully this helps someone out. I was a freshmen and I had the biggest crush on this senior. He was my first real crush. I was in JROTC and I needed a date for the Military Ball. It took me a few days to get up the courage to ask him to the ball. I will never forget it, I’m standing outside of my science class and he walks by. I stopped him and we chit chatted for a while and then right when he was about to walk away I asked him would he attend the Military Ball with me. He smiled, and politely declined my offer. I was crushed. I felt like crying a river right there in his face but I did not cry I just gathered myself long enough to ask him why?. He said, “Your a freshmen and I’m a senior, your just starting high school and I’m leaving high school. We are in different places in our lives. It just doesn’t seem right but thanks and I hope you have a great time”.
At the time I did not understand, but a few years down the road when I became a senior in high school and a freshmen had a crush on me and wanted me to attend the Military Ball with him; I remembered what he had told me. We were on two different levels, two different plains in our lives. I was fresh out of middle school and honestly we did not have much to talk about at the time. Should a senior date a freshmen? I encourage you to think about it and know what is best for you. Don’t let peer pressure get the best of you and be willing to make the mature decision and don’t rush high school. Enjoy each grade level for what it is and have a great high school experience.
Posted by: Its Nori Nori on 10/5 at 11:46am 4 Comments
Is Kissing That Serious?
When should you consider kissing someone when dating? The answer depends on what kind of kissing we’re talking about. If this is the peck on the cheek variety, it is not something to worry about. However, if we are talking about a French kiss (which is what most folks are doing), then I believe there needs to be some major components in the relationship established beforehand. First, you need to know one another and I don’t simply mean just know names. By knowing I mean that you hang out long enough to know the true person. That leads to the next component which is trust. You should feel safe enough with the other person that you have confidence that they will not physically or emotionally harm you. This develops a relationship in which you can rely on one another to keep each other’s best interests in mind. This is the type of relationship you can commit to, the last component that should be in place. You should be exclusively for one another in the relationship.
You may say, “Jason, you are being too serious. It’s just a little kissing.” I understand that kissing is something that is common in relationships, and that kissing doesn’t have to lead to other things physically, but it typically does lead to other things. Any love scene in a movie begins with a kiss for a reason. A kiss is like a switch for sexual desire. It turns it on. Your body tends to react quickly to the kissing and without strong willpower, it is ready for more. Can you trust this person to be looking out for you?
Am I being too serious about all this? Let me know what you think
Posted by: JasonH on 10/1 at 10:59am 6 Comments
Dating Violence Is About Power and Control
According to the statistics, one out of three teens will experience dating violence. Dating violence is when a person experiences physical, emotional or sexual abuse at the hands of his or her significant other. Dating violence is NOT a way to express love. It is ONLY to gain power and control over the person who seems too weak and needy to leave. A person who may be a victim of dating violence may have low self-esteem or thinks that the physical abuse is normal.
If you experience any type of violence, GET OUT of that relationship as soon as possible. You need to seek the help of family, friends, a teacher, or an adult you can trust. You do not deserve to be beaten, hurt, or treated that way. If you have experienced dating violence, it can be emotionally draining as well. Take some time to work on yourself before you enter into another relationship. The last thing you want to do is change the actors, but the play stays the same. Love yourself more than you love the one you are with. You deserve to be treated with respect.
Posted by: Anovia on 9/21 at 6:11am 0 Comments
Who pays for the date?
Traditionally, the guy is the one who pays for the date because he is the one expected to do the asking. However, I have talked with plenty of ladies who have gone out with a guy to dinner and he is not prepared to pay. It is an awkward situation that none of us would like to be in. There are also plenty of guys who are asked out by the lady and he expects them each to pay for their own while she expects him to pay. Yet again an awkward situation since she did the asking. So what should we do about this paying issue???
My rule of thumb is to go ahead and prepare to pay for both, whether you are the guy or the lady. Then if he turns out to be cheap and not want to pay for you (or possibly himself) you will be covered and at least dodge a bad situation becoming worse. A second date most likely will not be in order. Many ladies I have spoken with prefer to pay their own way on the first couple of dates to avoid a compromising situation. While a lady never owes anything to a guy just because he spent money on her, it dissuades a guy from trying to take advantage of her.
If you don’t like my idea, then the best thing is to bite the bullet and discuss who will pay before you go out. It does not mean either of you are cheap and if you think they will decide not to go out if you ask about who will pay, they are not worth your time. It is about good communication. What do you think?
Posted by: JasonH on 9/11 at 4:40pm 2 Comments
True Love Is Not Violent
Dating violence is a topic that many teens do not like to talk about mainly because most teens think it will never happen to them. Dating violence is not something that just happens, it is a process that builds up to actual violence. There are always signs or what I like to call red flags to pay attention to. If the person that you are dating has anger issues and lashes out at you verbally, that may be a warning that it could possibly turn into physical harm. Violence, verbal, emotional or sexual, in a relationship is NEVER acceptable. Do not let another person put their hands on you or emotionally attack you. If they can do it once they will try to do it again. Violence is never the answer to any type of problem or issue that may be present in a relationship. Never feel that you have to deal with someone mistreating you. Love is not violent if it is true and genuine. If you are being abused in your relationship tell a parent or adult. Get help immediately before it is to late. Check out loveisrespect.org
Posted by: Its Nori Nori on 9/1 at 9:53pm 0 Comments