Ask an Expert

I’m a Virgin

2010-07-22T13:06:39Z

Stand your ground! Maybe you want to set the record straight before you go out with them like telling them if you are dating me to get sex forget it. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. One out of 4 sexually active girls has a sexually transmitted disease - which means there’s a bunch of guys running around who are also infected. Congratulations! You don’t have to wonder if you are one of the four girls. We wonder if those guys who look at you different are interested in a real relationship or just sex…........

Does He Want to Break Up with Me?

2010-07-22T13:04:56Z

That’s a tough question. Why don’t you ask him?

Should I Break Up With Her?

2010-07-22T12:57:57Z

Sounds like you have already moved on, which is okay! You just need to tell her. What you are saying is legit. The whole concept of dating is that you aren’t stuck in a relationship that isn’t working. Dating should be fun and enjoyable and you are clearly not having fun any more…..and neither is she. Also, there is nothing wrong with taking a break in a relationship. You might find that you really like her OR you might discover she is not the one for you.

Why Should You Trust Him?

2010-07-22T12:48:49Z

Healthy relationships don’t have this much drama. Trust is core for any relationship to be good. People who aren’t doing anything wrong don’t go crazy when you ask them questions about who they are texting. You said you were lying on your boyfriend’s bed with him and he is texting his ex that you thought he wasn’t talking to anymore????????? It sounds like there are a lot questionable things going on. Don’t you think you deserve better? Trust your gut!

We Fight All the Time

2010-07-22T12:35:01Z

People who love each other very much don’t argue all the time. This should be a red flag to you. Why are you trying so hard to make this relationship work? A baby certainly will not help a relationship that is in trouble. Babies create tremendous stress on a relationship. We would encourage you to step back and examine this relationship. When you love someone, yes there will be disagreements, but not all the time. It is easy to be around that person. You can trust and depend on them to do the right thing. People are respectful and honoring of each other. Have you thought about attending a relationship skills class to see if you can improve your relationship? http://talktofriends.org/classes/ Think about the environment you would be bringing a baby into. Even if things get better for a short period of time how do you know they will stay that way. Babies are a great gift in a committed, married relationship where two people understand it isn’t all about them.

Sex and Love

2010-07-22T12:29:42Z

If you didn’t love the person before you had sex, what would make you think you would love them after sex? Believe it or not, healthy relationships don’t center around sex. Sex doesn’t make you fall in love. If you really want to learn to love someone nix the sex and see if you like his personality, if you share common interests, enjoy just spending time together and whether or not he is trustworthy. If your relationship with this guy is all physical, that’s not a real relationship. http://talktofriends.org/blog/comments/what_a_good_relationship_is/

More than a friend

2010-05-27T11:38:07Z

I guess we are wondering why you would ask him again. Having a best friend like him is pretty rare. Even the way he answered you was respectful and honest. It sounds like he is a really good guy. If you push this because you like him as more than a friend, you risk losing a best friend because the relationship will probably get weird. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Most healthy relationships begin with a solid friendship. Instead of trying to move from a friendship to something more, have you thought about just continuing to be great friends and seeing where it goes over time?

What if he leaves?

2010-05-19T15:44:01Z

Expecting a child is a big deal, expecting twins is an even BIGGER DEAL. If he’s not willing to sit down and talk, get both your parents involved. Supporting and taking care of twins is a lot of responsibility and he needs to bear his part of the load. As their father, he is just as responsible for taking care of your babies and preparing for their future as you are. He needs to be present and active in every part of their lives. Your children deserve that. You’ve stepped out of the teenage role into parenthood. You both are going to have to step up to the plate and prepare for the future of your children.

Being a parent is stressful and complicated. Being a teen parent is even more so.

One decision that you must make is not to be in an unhealthy relationship. If you are always worrying that he is going to walk out of your relationship that is not healthy.

Another important decision that the two of you must make is how you will care for your children. .

If you are in the Chattanooga area we have a class called Love’s Cradle for non-married expectant parents that you might find helpful. You can take it as a couple or individually. It is free. For more information, click here.

You guys need to have a serious sit down SOON!

What’s up with that?

2010-05-19T11:34:36Z

Maybe he just doesn’t like kissing. Not everybody does.

Any tips for helping me snag a boyfriend

2010-05-19T11:27:39Z

“Snag a boyfriend”! Why don’t you change that to “find a friend who is male”? Relationships are best when they start off slow and as friendships. The more you get to know about him like: what he likes to do, what he doesn’t like, his goals, what you two have in common, and if he is respectful, and trustworthy, the more you will know whether or not he is boyfriend material.
Being in a relationship is more than just “snagging a boyfriend”. Relationships take work and maturity. Slow down! Guard your heart, don’t be too anxious. It’s ok to just be friends with a guy. He doesn’t have to be your boyfriend. Enjoy going on group dates. You have plenty of time to find Mr. Right.

Is a long distance relationship a good thing?

2010-04-14T14:41:42Z

Here’s the deal with long distance relationships. You want to proceed with caution. Most of the time in long distance relationships you are on your best behavior when you see each other and the visits are usually for a short period of time. It is very hard to get to know a person without seeing them in a variety of situations over an extended period of time. Even if you date them for a long time, it isn’t hard to put up a front for 24 hours compared to seeing someone day in and day out having to handle the everyday issues that life dishes out. You want to be able to know their friends, how they treat their friends, what they are like around their family. How they handle stress and anger. These are all things you can’t see through the phone or internet.

I need to break up with him

2010-04-14T00:10:42Z

From reading your question it sounds like you know what you need to do. You have given him opportunities to change before and he hasn’t. What makes you think this time will be different? You can have feelings for someone and realize that they aren’t good date material. Go with your gut. Why would you want to continue to go out with someone who continues to make you cry and mad?

Should it Really Be this Difficult?

2010-03-13T12:44:09Z

Dating relationships are interesting because no two people are exactly alike so there will always be things you disagree about. However, fighting all the time isn’t a sign of a great relationship. The good news is you are not married to this person, you are dating, him so don’t feel like it would be horrible thing to move on. It is VERY rare for someone to marry a high school sweetheart. The whole point of dating is to experience different personalities so you can learn what you like and what you don’t like. A healthy relationship can have challenging moments and disagreements, but overall the relationship is fun, respectful and honoring…. not a drag.

As far as changing your career choice – why would someone who truly loves and cares about you ask you to change your career choice?

Should I Worry about What Other People Think?

2010-03-13T12:40:25Z

For the most part we think you really answered the question for yourself. It sounds like another conversation with your dad would be a good thing to help you sort out this situation. As far as what other people will think, there are a few things we think you need to consider. First, what you do during your teen years will impact you later in life. Your reputation matters now and for the rest of your life. While you can’t always be worried about what everybody will think you need to be smart about who you hang out with and who you date. Second, is this guy good date material? Slow down and ask some questions like: Will he be respectful of you and your future? Why was your dad upset about you dating him in the first place? And, what do you think others will think if you date him and why?

Talking with your dad and answering these questions should help you decide what your next step should be.

Why won’t my mom let me date him?

2010-03-13T12:06:15Z

It is very flattering to have someone older who is attracted to you. In the process of being flattered you have to be smart about this relationship and ask yourself some tough questions like, why would a guy who is 20 be interested in a girl who is 16?? Life in general is very different for someone who is 20 – like he is out on his own and you are not, he is responsible for paying his own bills and you are not, he doesn’t have a curfew and you probably do, he can go places and do things that you can’t and shouldn’t. You guys are really at two very different places in life.

When it comes to dating it’s a good idea to date people where there is no more than 2 years age difference. More than that usually just creates a ton of problems.

As much as you probably don’t want to hear it, your mom is on the right track.