"I'm confused. Should I break up?"

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Dear Confused:  The hard truth is you can really love someone and realize the relationship will never work.  If he isn’t trustworthy while you are dating what makes you think he could be trusted in a deeper kind of relationship?  Clearly he is not ready to commit – you cannot force him to do so.  It is often very hard to walk away from an unhealthy relationship, but it sounds like you believe that is the best thing for you to do.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Go slow!  Be yourself.  Pay attention to whether his values match yours?  Try to determine if you have similar interests.  For more ideas check out the blog post:.A Low Risk Dating Strategy

"Should we stay together or is it time to move on?"

WOW!  You sound very mature for your age. 

You along with the rest of us can guess at what her lack of communication might mean, but the only way to really know is to ask her.  Good communication is an important part of a healthy relationship.  Instead of trying to read her mind, what about texting her and asking if you could have a brief conversation on the phone?  If she is not willing, there could be several explanations: her feelings have changed, the relationship wasn’t what you thought it was or her parents may have told her to take a break for the summer.  Again, the only way you will know is to talk with her.  In the absence of information people tend to assume the worst.

Is it wrong to miss her?  No.  However, if you are spending hours upon hours thinking about her, that isn’t healthy either.  You are young.  Summer isn’t over.  This is a great time to get out and meet other people.

Should you give up and pretend you never met her? The reality is you did meet her and you clearly liked her.  No point in pretending that isn’t the case.  It is experiences like these that teach us more about living life.

We aren’t sure what you mean by giving up – giving up on trying to communicate with her or giving up on the relationship going any further??  We are going to go back to our first answer. We think you will know the answer to this question when you talk with her. 

Teen relationships should be fun not stressful.  The point of dating is getting to know what you like, how you want to be treated, what attracts you to someone, etc.  If you don’t like long periods of silence you may have answered your own question.

To learn more about healthy dating relationships consider attending one of our classes.  Teen Classes

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

You are very wise to be asking these questions.  It is great that you are graduating from high school and thinking about your future.  The fact that you are not sure about getting married is something you should pay attention to.  You said your boyfriend thinks you should get married and start a family as soon as you graduate from high school.  What do you want? 
A healthy dating relationship skills class would give you a lot of helpful information in order to make good/wise decisions about this relationship moving forward.

Marriage is great when two people are willing to fully commit to make it work and they have the tools in their tool belt to have a healthy long lasting relationship.

The smartest thing you can do is slow down and take your time.  There is no rush here. 

The research is overwhelming that young people who marry before the age of 20 are at the highest risk for divorce.

We also suggest you take a look at this link:  Ten Things You Should Know

"When trust is broken how do you rebuild it?"

Trust is one of the most important qualities of a healthy relationship.  When it is broken it creates a big fracture between the two people involved.  If you don’t have trust how can you possibly have a good relationship? 

Can you re-build trust?  Yes, but it takes time and the willingness to be honest, open with your communication, patient and no secrets – which both of you are keeping secrets at this point.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

This is a great question that doesn’t lend itself to a simple answer.  To help you answer your question, we have some questions for you.

• How long have you known each other?  If your boyfriend has known his friend longer than he has known you, their relationship is on a totally different level than the one between you and your boyfriend.  He may think of his relationship with his friend more like a brother/sister relationship.
• Have you told your boyfriend you think his friend likes him as more than a friend?  Open, honest communication is the name of the game in healthy dating relationships.  He may be clueless that she is hitting on him.  You may be misinterpreting their relationship.  He may know that she likes him, but he doesn’t like her as more than a friend.  You can make yourself crazy letting this roll around in your head.  Plus, you can jump to a lot of conclusions that are totally incorrect.
• Has your boyfriend given you reason not to trust him?  Great relationships are built on trust, honesty and keeping your word.  If your boyfriend has been trustworthy up to this point, what makes you think you can’t trust him in this particular situation?
• Do you both agree you are dating exclusively?  If this is not something you have talked about, you may think one thing and he is thinking something totally different.
• What are your expectations of your relationship with your boyfriend?  If he and his friend have known each other for many years it would be pretty unreasonable to ask him to drop her as a friend.
• What is keeping you in this relationship?

 
Keep in mind that you are in high school.  While you may be in love, the chances of you marrying your current boyfriend are highly unlikely.  Dating is all about growing and learning about yourself and others.  If you work through all of these questions and you can’t come to an understanding with your boyfriend it may be time to move on.