"How do I tell him how I feel without him taking it the wrong way?"

Thursday, August 27, 2009

From what you have told us, it sounds like the relationship with this guy is more physical than it is a real relationship.  What would your relationship be like if there was no physical aspect to it?  If the answer is - there would be no relationship then you have a decision to make.  You could talk with your friend and tell him that you want to stop being physical so you can really focus on getting to know each other.  As long as your relationship is totally based on physical stuff it will be next to impossible to have a great relationship with him because it will always be about what you are willing to do or not do. 

Taking your focus off the physical is a way to find out where he stands. Don’t be afraid to stand your ground.  If all he wants is the physical stuff then he really isn’t interested in building a healthy relationship and you can move on and find someone who is. 

Very smart of you to seek advice before making a major decision like “wanting to be on the pill”.   
Even though you are clearly struggling with how to approach your Dad and Grandmother, you are on the right track to want to have the conversation with them.  Your health and future are at stake.  Tell them you need to talk with them and ask when would be a good time for a serious conversation.  The best approach is to be honest.  Hopefully, they will appreciate your honestly and the fact that you came to them seeking accurate information and help instead of going to your friends - who could give you lots of inaccurate information. While they may have a hard time hearing what you are saying, stay calm, listen to what they have to say and recognize that they have your best interest at heart.

Here are some other things for you to consider.

Maturing into adulthood requires that you make informed decisions.  While it seems like everybody is “doing it” that doesn’t mean “it” would be good for you. 

Getting on the pill may seem like the answer to the problem you are trying to address, but consider this: many teens surveyed expressed regret about being sexually active stating they wished they had waited. A majority of sexually active guys and nearly three-quarters of sexually active girls view their sexual experience unfavorably – an event they wish they had avoided.

Many teens enter sexual relationships believing that they are just physical and realize later that these relationships are very emotional and usually too much to manage.  Things like worrying about pregnancy( no birth control is 100% effective), STD’s, disappointing parents, and dealing with their sexual partner while in the relationship and after they break up and the emotional stress that accompanies this type of relationship creates lots of drama.

So, we’ll go back to where we started.  This is a very serious decision that should not be made lightly.  We strongly encourage you to visit the website stayteen.org as you seek to make good choices that will help you have a healthy and productive life.

"How Do I Keep Someone from Stealing my Boyfriend?"

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Okay – first, we would tell you to focus on you and make sure that your dating relationship is healthy.  You cannot control what your friend does, but you can control what you do.  What good will it do for you to constantly worry about what this other girl is up to?  There will always be other people out there who could potentially “steal” your boyfriend, which is why it is important to make sure that you know the qualities of a healthy dating relationship and that you seek to possess those qualities and to date people who possess those qualities. (Honest, respectful, trustworthy, and open communication are good for starters)

Second, the purpose of dating is to figure out what you like and don’t like in someone. As you date this guy, you may find that you have lots of common interests, that you think about life in similar ways, and that you enjoy each other’s company….or, not so much.  The truth is it is highly unlikely that you will end up marrying someone you date in high school.

Don’t get so caught up in all this other stuff that you miss out on the opportunity to learn how to have healthy relationships.

We didn’t miss your comment about hurting her really bad.  Before you decide to do something like that, we hope you will give a lot of thought to who would really loose if you chose to do that.  Take the high road.  A person of character doesn’t seek to hurt other people.  Hurting her won’t get you what you want so don’t waste your time.

LOVE is a really big word that people define in different ways.  Some people who are in heavy like or extremely physically attracted to another person might think that it is love when it really isn’t.  Is it possible to be “in love” with multiple people at one time?  Maybe.  But, we think the question you want to consider is how do you know you are in love? 

In the first 3-6 months of dating someone it would be very difficult to know that you are in love because you haven’t had time to really get to know that person.  It would be more likely that you are in love with the image of who you think they are.  We would encourage you to take a look at the low risk dating strategy and proceed with caution. 

"Single and hating it"

It is kinda weird how when boyfriends are in the picture it doesn’t seem like there is anything else to talk about.  AND it does stink when you feel like the odd man (girl) out.  We were wondering if your friends know that you feel really left out when all they talk about is their boyfriends?  This should not dominate the conversation all the time. If they aren’t willing to talk about other things maybe you need to hang with some other friends who would – guaranteed you aren’t the only one who is not dating someone right now. 

Not to sound cheesy, but have you ever thought about the qualities you would want in a guy you dated?  It’s a lot easier to think about things like that when you aren’t dating someone than when you are.  We know girls who are dating guys they don’t really like that much, but they like being able to say they have a boyfriend.  They are just in it to be in it and probably shouldn’t be in the relationship.  So which is better – not having what you want or having what you don’t necessarily like? 

Friday, August 21, 2009

You are not alone.  There are a lot of people out there young and old trying to figure this one out. 
We have some questions for you.  Are you guys friends?  Do you talk regularly or do you occasionally pass her in the hallway at school?  What is she doing that makes you think she might like you?  Sometimes when people treat people nicely it gets misinterpreted as “this person likes me.”  We don’t know the mean things she says, so it is hard to know the real story.
The only way to really know if she is interested in you is to spend time talking with her.  If she doesn’t want to spend time talking with you, then she probably isn’t interested in going out.